im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
