He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
