My room smells like vodka and shame
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think your dad took our porno
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
