just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I love you. Go after that dick
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
