So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
