I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Drake has all the answers
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
