blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you had me at cake vodka
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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