The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Small penises have feelings too.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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