dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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