she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
