Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
