my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize