I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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