She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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