Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
