Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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