So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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