I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Everclear isn't food dammit
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
