And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
