The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
