I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
