No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh god it's open bar.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
