A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
