hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
