I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
