Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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