Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
