I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize