I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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