I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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