I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
