Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
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