I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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