hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
