May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
