Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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