i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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