he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
