So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
