Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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