i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
