Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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