end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
