There was a lot of him and a little penis
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
