As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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