I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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