dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
