it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
