i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
