I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
