as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You may now shotgun with the bride
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
