you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize