This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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