hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize