well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
