Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
