I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
