So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
