pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
