So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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