Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
