oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize