i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
