And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
