You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
