how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
