Already got asked if we're dating
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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