omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need to calm my uterus...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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