it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
