i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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