What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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