Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
