bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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