1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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