You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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