No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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