Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize