where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
