I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
