He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
and i looked up. we had an audience...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
