You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize