You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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