hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize