Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
