He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
