i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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