I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
