last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
