well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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